Why Zutara Should Happen
by bleachdeyes
Summary: a number divisiable by ten amount of reasons why zuko and katara belong together, and why they should get a restraining order against me.
1. Chapter 1

WHY ZUTARA SHOULD HAPPEN

Chapter One-reasons 1-10

**A/N** - Inspired by the VERY funny fanfic, "50 Reasons Why Sokka and Toph Should Be Together", by my favorite pastries, under the name the poisoned donutofdoom. If you hate this because of my style-if you can call it that- donute's is very different so you should still read it and review for her. I'm advertising for strangers now."Here is Why Zuktara should happen."-aren't i creative? Oh let me add that Ronin has now started watching Avatar so let's clap for another one of usclaps

**Disclaimer**- I wish sooo bad that I owned Avatar, ooh the naughty things I could do, but as you see, it's rated TV7, which means I don't own it. Oh and as I said before, I was inspired, meaning the basic concept of the list was not my original idea either, again i lack creativity

A month after the very depressing season finale, the young avatards got bored. They had already discussed what should happen in the next season, read many forums and even read fanficts OH NOES! With nothing better to do, they decide to kidnap and maybe later rape Zuko. After Dsauve had her way with him, she passed him on to her friend, Crazy Krickets. Dsauve got bored again without her Zuko. What to do in a life with out ZuZu? It's so not fair! I want him back! And why doesn't Katara want him. That is when Dsauve, aka me, after reading the tale of "tokka" decided to kidnap Katara. And so, she sent her minion, aka her brother "Dorkalicous" out to fetch her. She bribed her azula-like little sister, "milk maid" (cuz the only reason she's in this is cuz she brought me milk) to set up the torture chamber, aka the kitchen. Then it happened, right as I got done duct tapping Katara to a stove. Crazy Krickets came over with Zuko, to gloat. But she didn't have time to be the bitch I know she is. This is because she was shocked that Katara was there.

"Dsuave...what is Katara doing here?" she asked

"I-"

"Hey!" Dsauve's brother shouted

"Through my brother" Dsauve continued, "brought her here to prove a point, u backstabbing Zuko stealing Kataang supporter!" Crazy Krickets drew one of her seven swords and pointed it at me,

"And what would that be?"

"Ru-fi"

"OOOOOOOOOOO" everyone chimed in. At that point Zuko died a little inside, but that wouldn't be the first time or the last, oh no it will not be the last.

"I also wanted to say that Zutara kicks major ass and you suck for supporting the relationship between a 12 year old monk-hero and a fourteen year old slut."

"HEY!" Katara yelled because Dsauve didn't duck tape her mouth.

"Shuddup women! You and your brother have way to many love interest." Katara shudded up because she knew Dsauve was right, she's always right. Crazy Krickets sat down on a chair because she knew a rant was about to start, and she was right.

"Dearly beloved." Dsauve began,

"We're not marrying them!" Milk-Maid yelled

"Why not! They BELONG TOGETHER! FOREVER! YAY STEAM SHIPS! NINTEENTH CENTURY ROCKS!" Dorkalicious yelled at Milk-Maid. (Steam shippers is a term I found for Zutara supporters on a forum and I thought it rocked). I continued,

"We gather here to say our good byes. Here she liiiiiiiies noone knew her worth the late great-"

"WHAT!" Dorkalicious yelled at Dsauve, "Now I'm lost."

"How did Rent get in this?" Renthead, Dsauves other younger sister suddenly appeared.

"Look what you did!" Milk Maid screamed, "You invoked the Renthead! Now we're never get rid of her!"

"This is supposed to be about me and your rediculous reasoning!" Katara yelled because she wasn't getting enough air time.

"Fine fine." Dsauve said pulling out her anime, "Renthead begone!" And like that, she left. "Was I supposed to be talking about something?" wandered Dsuave out loud.

"YES!" everyone but Zuko yelled. He was buisy in a corner being emo this whole time, the poor lad found Milk-Maids black nail polish.

"Alright...back to topic...which was..."

"ZUTARA! Why they should be together!" Screamed Crazy Krickets.

"Right right, Dorkalicious my list." Dorkalicious unrolled a long scroll that rolled out of the house because Dsauve writes really big.

"Right! Ok reasons, let's begin!" Dsauve yelled while hugging a scared Zuko.

Dsauve-Ok, everyone knows that you two are totally supposed to be together, even if it never happens, we all know the truth (breaks into song "I know the truth" from the musical "Aida")

Crazky Krickets-ooook...

Dsauve-Right! Reason number one! Water and fire! Opposites attrack! (A/N-i think this is the only reason w/o someone commenting/arguing over)

Reason #2-they make steam! What does water and air make? A hurricane, and nobody wants that. But steam! Steam gets out wrinkles on clothes too delicate to iron! Steam rocks!

Dorkalicious-oooook

Dsauve- oh! And steam boats yay nineteenth century!

Katara-yeah we already went through that, next one

Dsauve- oh and saunas! Suanas need steam! HOT TUBS! And tea! Thats how you know it's done! Steam! Oh come on Zuko gotta love that one! That's how Jet knew about you being a fire bender! Plus special effects! Dry ice is kinda steamy! And what else?

Dsauve looked around, -well there's gotta be lots of other good stuff for steam! Its steamy! Think of the passion! Like the car scene in Titanic. That can be you! Steam rocks!

Milk-Maid- Please move on

Katara-yeah... that wasn't a very strong argument

Dsauve(in kid voice)-WAS TOO!(normal voice) anyways...#3 It's ZUKO!

Katara-so?

Dsauve- OMG what girl wouldn't want Zuko, just look at him! He's totally ripped, strip Zuko!"

Zuko, making his first vocal appearance- WHAT!

Crazy Krickets- ooh! I'll strip him for you!

Dorkalicious- Milk-Maid, I think you need to leave

Milk-Maid-Hey! I'm ten! I can see!

Dsauve-(sighs) fine!

Dsauve tears off Zukos shirt

Dsauve and Crazy Krickets-Squeel

Dsauve- See Katara, Aang ain't got nuttn on him. Shoot sokka kinda boney too, but ZUKO!

Zuko- Stop touching me!

He had to shout this, because Dsauve and Crazy Krickets were indeed touching him, Crazy Kricket's looked ready to jump him to tell the truth. Dsauve saw it in her eyes. So in worry for Zuko, she used herself as a human sheild and sat on his lap.

Dorkalicious- I thought this was ZUTARA! NOT Dsauko!

Dsauve-Right right, dammit. Fine

Dsauve got off of his lap, much to Zukos delight. But she stood right next to him in case Crazy Krickets tried something.

Milk-Maid (annoyed)-Can we continue, I'm bored

Dorkalicious- Then leave no one wants you here anyways

Dsauve- No Zutara is for everyone, what reason am I on?

Dorkalisous- four

Dsauve-fine #4...you really don't think Zuko's hot?! I mean not literally because he's a fire bender, but physically in the sexy kind of way!

Everyone but Crazy Kricket because she agrees with me-DSAUVE!

Dsauve-fine fine, the REAL #4 you too look so cute together! Have you seen the Zutara on Deviantart! It's supper cute!

(i was going to copy paste but had issues, but feel free to look it up)

Krickets-you're so vain, can you think of a reason NOT having to do with how absolutely delish Zuko is?

Dsauve-fine fine...I love you Zuko!

Zuko-(montonal emo-voice) I'm flattered...(scouches the other way)

Dsauve- ok, reason #5, Katara's dated her enemy's before!

Katara-Have not!

Dsauve-What about JET!

Katara- We didn't date!

Dorkalicious-Yes you did! Toph even said so! Plus you made him a hat and you flirted and stuff

Katara-I did not

Dsauve- Don't lie, like he said, Toph said so, and Toph equals god!

Zuko-Then why aren't you writting a toph fanfict!

Dsauve- Shuddup bitch

Zuko-Make me!

Dsauve-Fine!

Zuko got all firey-Bring it!

Dsauve glomps him- I loooooooove yooooouuu!

Zuko-Get her off ! Get her OFF!

Katara used water bending and got Dsauve off

Dsauve-YES! Reason number 6! You just defended him! Didn't want me touching your man huh!?

Katara-huh? Did you just stage that whole thing just so-

Dsauve-YES! Why else would I tie you up yet leave a bottle of water next to you, do you think I'm an idiot!

Everybody looked away.

Dsauve-FINE! I'll use an actual reason, reason number 7! Shuzam! You wanted to kiss Zuko!

Zuko-You did?

Katara-I did?

Dsauve- Yes you did! Here I'll show you

Dsauve takes out her laptop...they all snacked on cookies while they waited twenty minutes for it to load because she has a crack addict computer.

Dsauve-Dorkalicious which ep was it in?

Dorkalisous- First season, episode 15

Dsauve-Awesome!(Fast forwards to the end) see right there!

Katara- what? That's me kissing AANG not Zuko

Dsauve- But you said, give this to Zuko, so you either want to kiss Zuko or you want Aang to kiss Zuko

Katara- why would I want Aang to kiss Zuko?

Dorkalicious- Crazy Krickets would want it, why not you. Who knows maybe you're a Zaang fan!

Everyone- EW

a couple of minutes passed by in silence

Dsauve- So you admit you wanted to kiss Zuko

Crazy Krickets- Can we follow up on the yaoi?

Katara-NO!

Dsauve- No to yaoi right? Not no to kissing Zuko

Katara- No to both!

Dsauve- Why don't you want to kiss Zuko? Zuko? Say something to her!

Zuko-...Um...Well I'd rather kiss Katara than Aang

Dsauve-HA! NEXT REASON!

Katara- You can't keep making up situations just so you can make up more reasons! Is there even anything on that scroll?!

Dsauve-...

Milk Maid-lemme see! (snatches scroll, reads aloud) I love zuko, I love zuko I love zuko (looks up) these aren't Zutara reasons!

Dsauve- Katara wrote that! yeah, reason number eight or nine or something!

Katara- I did not! Just carry on so we can get this over with

Dsauve- FINE! Reason number 8... let's see an actual reason...well you have a boy, and and you have a girl, and they both think they are straight...

Katara- What do you mean think!

Dsauve- Oh no, I didn't mean you Katara, but Zuko...you ARE emo, and you don't seem to like girls much...plus if you wanted to get together with-

Crazy Krickets- YES! I knew it! YAY Zuko and Sokka! That'd be sooo hot!

Dsauve- MORE STEAM!

Dsauve and Crazy Krickets jumped up and down in happy thoughts of hot Zuko-Sokka yaoi. Give me a moment...sigh

Zuko-For the love of God, or Buddah or whatever I believe in, get back on track!

Dsauve- But don't you want to be paired up with Sokka? He has his good points too!

Zuko- NO! Zutara reason number nine, NOW!

Dsauve-fine fine...ZuTARA reason number 9 (Dsuave pointed at zuko) ZUKO!

Zuko- What?

Dsauve-You acknowledge that Katara was a women!

Everyone- What?

Dorkalicious- Ha, breast!

Dsauve- I didn't say phsycially! God no! Katara's as flat as a pancake...yum, chocolate chip pancakes

Dorkalicious- You're retarded. And Katara's not flat, I can prove it

Dsauve- Fine perv-boy, she's not flat, but she's no D cup either

Dorkalicious-No she's a 34 B

Katara- How the hell do you know that!

Zuko- Who doesn't?

Everyone looks at Zuko

Zuko-What?

Crazy Krickets- Do you know MY cup size Zuko?

Dsauve-Shuddup Crazy, nobody cares about you, what about me Zuko?

Zuko- B, C and Milk Maid, you're ironicaly an A

MilkMaid- I'm ten!

Zuko (like Cosmo from fairly odd parents)- riiiiight

Katara-And you're trying to set me up with this perv

Dsauve-YES! B cup! You're one to talk, you've had how many boyfriends?

Katara- Sokka has more than me!

Dsauve- His are at least long lasting, and they all like HIM. He doesn't like THEM, for the most part. Katara you're the one with a crush on, like everyone. If you only liked one person then we wouldn't be having this conversation and you would have already slept with Zuko

Katara- WHAT!

Zuko- Score!

(A/N - what? It's not OOC, he's a 16 year old boy! But he's emo, right, gotta remember that...then again he's an optimistic emo, which is funny)

Dsauve- REASON 10, FINALLY, now I can end this chapter, reason #10 is, hold on I never even explained the whole women thing did I?

Milk maid- Oh my gawd! There is no stop to her ranting

Dsauve- No, there is not, anyways, in the season one finally you, Zuko, called Katara a big girl, which sounded retarded so I changed it to women which makes it sound like lust. NOW reason number 10 is that in that same episode Zuko never really fought back, only to defend himself and when the sun rose, but pretend you didn't hear that. Number ten is Zuko didn't fight back because he didn't want to hurt you Katara, couldn't you feel the love in that fight?

Zuko- stop putting words/thoughts in my mouth/mind.

Dsauve- NO! You two need to realize that you are totally in love with each other, and you are not leaving this house until I say you can! Because I, being the one with the biggest breast, rule all!

Crazy Krickets- Must you keep rubbing that pointless fact in my face?

Dsauve-YES! Now tie up Zuko Dorkalicious!

And he did

**A /N**- ok there it is, my first chapter to my first Avatar ff, stay tuned for the next chapter in which someone dies a horrible death, maybe. Anyways, i'm almost done chapter two so if you give me good reviews I'll post it within the week. thankies for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

A/N- not much to say(for once) just wanted to congrat Ronin for The Sinking Steam Ship, which she wrote under my name for a show she doesnt even watch. Enjoy my randomness

Disclaimer- If i owned Avatar:the last airbender it woulnt be called that, it would be called Zuko:outcast fire prince, but as it is not about Zuko, i do not own it

In the last chapter we learned that I have the biggest breast. We also discussed possible relationships and learned that Zuko is indeed straight, who knew? Also, Zuko finally admitted his feelings toward Katara-

"Stop the narration!" Katara yelled, "When did Zuko admit these so-called "feelings" towards me?"

Dsauve shook her head, " Katara, Katara, Katara, have you not been paying attention?"

"Who would pay attention to a maniac like you?"

"You would, now let me refresh your memory:

"Dsauve- His are at least long lasting, and they all like HIM. He doesn't like THEM, for the most part. Katara you're the one with a crush on, like everyone. If you only liked one person then we wouldn't be having this conversation and you would have already slept with Zuko

Katara- WHAT!

Zuko- Score!"

This flashback brought to you by me and my abilities to copy and paste

"See, he was happy at the thought of sleeping with you" Dsuave pointed out.

"Duh, I'm hot!" said Katara, obviously being vain, so to cool her down I decided to write about new people, temporarily.

All was quiet in the hundred acre wood. A certain living stuffed hunny bear was eating hunny, (CANNIBAL!), when the author realized she had no idea where she is going with this. So back to Avatar! The last airbender...EVER!

"Iroh you're alive!" exclaimed Toph.

"Well the third season hasn't started yet, so I get to chill until then." Iroh answered her. Sokka, nearly bursting with teenage lust just had to ask Iroh,

"Where's your super sexy sexalicious nephew?" Juuuuuuust kidding, Sokka's not gay until Crazy Krickets makes /finds him. Instead he asked,

"So where's you're angry back-stabbing emo nephew?"

"Gone." Iroh answered casually

GASP!

"Oh it happens all the time, crazed fan girls kid nap him, he usually comes back within a week, though what they do to him I don't want to know."

"Wait!" Aang said because he childishly has a crush on Katara, "do you think Katara was captured too?"

"OMG!" shouted Sokka, "this can only be the work of a Zutara fan! May God help us all."

YAY GOD!

Now that Katara realizes that she is NOT the center of the world, I can continue with the task at hand. Ten more totally made up reasons why Zutara should happen! WOOOOO applause

For some reason, Crazy Krickets was still at Dsauve's house. And for more annoying reasons, she was still trying to steal Zuko away, so Dsauve punched her. Yay Dsauve! However, Krickets

punched Dsauve back and the two of them had a cat fight to the almost death in the living room. Meanwhile, Milk-Maid read off the list.

Milk-Maid- ok reason number eleven is...when Aang saved Zuko, Katara didn't object

Katara- that's a reason?

Milk-Maid- apparently

Zuko- When did the avatar save me!

Dorkalicious- Same episode every other real reason takes place in

Zuko- wow you guys are really desperate for reasons

"AM NOT!" Dsauve yelled while taking a blow to the side

Crazy Krickets- that's for being a Zutara fan!

Milk-Maid- reason number 12, in the video game Zuko captured Katara and NOT the master dude which would have made more sense

Katara- Cheater! Video-games don't count

Dsuave punched Crazy Krickets in the head, knocking her temporarily unconscious- YES it does!

Zuko- Even if it did count, that doesn't mean anything

Dsauve- Yes it does! Don't you ever read fanfict?

The two Avatar characters stared blankly at each other, but not too long because they didn't want Dsauve getting ideas. Too late

Dsauve- Look, like 99.9 percent of all Zutara ficts starts off with Zuko capturing Katara! Eventually you fall in love and have a crazy night of passion and...dare I say it...STEAM!

Zuko-sigh you're so lame

Dsauve- well excuse me emo boy! I'm just trying to help YOU out, I saw reason number 38

Zuko- what?

Dsauve- oh you know what I mean

Dsauve snatched the list from Milk Maid- ok next reason, number 13, this one was in "Zuko Alone"

Katara- I wasn't even in that one!

Zuko- I didn't even know her yet in those flashbacks, and in the present parts I was-

Dsauve- emo as usual? I know but! Did you ever think that maybe you weren't just an emo teenager, that you were instead just a regular teen pinning after Katara

Zuko- NO!

Dsauve- you said that kind of quickly there Zuzu

Zuko- Because you're insane!

Dsauve- I'm hurt Zuko! Everyone knows I'm insane. There's no need to point it out. Yet here you are pointing it out. Do I point out your obvious emoness?

Everyone- YES!

Dsauve- well...fine then

several minutes passed

Dorkalicious- in that episode, it became apparent that young Zuko is in fact a mama's boy

Dsuave- what the hell Dorkalicious, this is my job?!

Dorkalicious- Well you weren't talking! Anyways, and in like every episode we see that Katara is a motherly person

Zuko- I don't get where this is going

Dsauve- I can't take it anymore! Read Frued! The whole Oedipus complex thing! Further proof that you totally like her! Plus! The only other person that could possibly be paired up with you,

my darling prince, is Mai, and that doesn't work for me, and you didn't seem to interested either. She doesn't bring balance to your personality she just enhances it! So that's reason number 14!

Right then Dsuave got hit by a bus. It wasn't a big bus, and she didn't die, but she will not be appearing for the rest of this chapter. Filling in for our busty heroine is the not so busty ever so short Ronin, who people that have read Dsauves other fanficts may or may not recall from her shout-outs.

Milk-Maid- Why was there a bus driving through our kitchen?! On the second floor! And why is it that the only thing damaged was Dsauve? We have a tiny kitchen!

Dorkalicious- you ask too many questions, you'll get written out if you bring up plot holes

Milk-Maid- got it

Crazy Krickets wrapped her arms around Zuko, bitch- And now Zuko's aaaall mine, Dorkalicious!

Dorkalicious- Yes mam

Crazy Krickets- Return Katara to her rightful place with Aang and bring me Sokka!

Katara cheered and Zuko "gulped" poor Zuko. Dsauve would never do that to him... just then a little munchkin entered the kitchen, actually, she had been there the whole time but nobody noticed her because of her height

"Dorkalicious HULT!" yelled the munchkin from her step stool. Everyone one looked around for the voice until Milk-Maid, being the closest in height with munchkin-girl yelled "It's just Ronin!"

Everyone sighed "only Ronin"

Ronin-Shuddup! I can be mean too! Dorkalicious I am under order to make sure you do not go under Crazy's order, Milk Maid continue with the list

Milk-Maid- gotcha, #15, the Storm episode

Zuko through up his hands- yet another episode that we didn't come in contact with each other in

Katara-What about it?

Milk-Maid- I don't know it just says the Storm episode, Ronin?

Ronin- I don't watch your gay show, nor will I until Dsauve forces me to!

Crazy Krickets- give it time

Dorkalicous- I give it a week, she's pretty forceful about spreading her obsessions

Zuko-back to me please

Milk-Maid- Well someone's gotten used to the Zuko fan girls throwing panties at him, you're not a prince here babe, this is AMERICA and we have the right to ignore you all we want

Zuko- Aaaw

Crazy Krickets- I'll pay attention to you Zuko-baby!

Krickets hugged him then, and Dsauve, who was lying somewhere in a hospital bed had a seizure.

Katara-soo...what about the storm episode?

Dorkalicious- Obviously the whole episode

"WHAT!"screamed everyone including Dsuave because she was still having her seizure

Dorkalicious- It's a prime example on why Kataang won't work. The whole thing's about how everyone didn't want to be in the storm, and we said yesterday what storms are made of

Katara- are you telling me-

Dorkalicious- yes, steam is better than storms even Aang said so

Ronin- you're still discussing this?

Milk-Maid- Dsauves the only one who hasn't moved on from it yet, onward! Episode 14 of season one

Zuko- again, I was not in that episode

Dorkalicious- it was the fortune teller episode

Crazy Krickets- YEAH! That was soooo a kataang episode!

Just then lightning struck, killing a chicken, that was old and about to die anyways...of herpies

Dorkalicious- MY CABBAGES!

Milk Maid- what was that?

Zuko- Don't look at me, I can't shoot lightning because I'm inferior to my sister remember?

Crazy Krickets- fine not Zuko squeezes him

An ogre wearing a bikini walked by and used a club to knock Crazy Krickets away from Zuko, but the ogre was invisible so she didn't see him, yet Toph could if Dsauve felt like kidnaping her

Crazy Krickets-what the fuck was that!?

Ronin-No dropping f-bombs Krickets! This is rated G...at some times...when we aren't rapping Zuko... or undressing him...or comparing our bra sizes...or making sex jokes...or cussing...I think that's it...yeah... I'm done, semi-G we'll call it

Dorkalicious- Good, now fortune teller episode, Madame Woo said that Katara was going to marry a powerful bender, she did not say Aang!

Crazy Krickets- that's BS! She didn't say Zuko either!

Dorkalicious- She ALSO said that Aang will have no love in his future

Crazy Krickets- Still doesn't mean it has to be Zuko

Dorkalicious- Sure it does! Now next reason before Crazy Krickets can object again!

Milk-Maid- Reason number 16, this reason brought to you by Dorkalicious, stay tuned after these messages

Dorkalicious- Hi, are you cold, lonely and just need a friend? Are you tired of going out on countless dates only to end up highly disappointed? Well ladies your search is over! Call this number on the screen and you can order a brand new bfc! That's right ladies big freak'n cookies! We have chocolate chip, sugar or candy! Dorkalicious cookies, the perfect comfort food! Now back to the show!

Ronin- Ooh I want some!

Katara- Why?

Ronin- I'm lonely

Dorkalicious- Reason number 16 is that Katara lives in the south pole

Katara- So?

Dorkalicious- No sane person WANTS to live in the south pole, in FACT it's completly impossible! Katara you need to live in a place that's actually habitable, and Zuko lives in a freakn palace wants he kills his father and sister! That's way better than a tent! It's not even an igloo, it's a tent! That's like major hypothermia!

Zuko- he has a point

Katara- no he doesn't! I've lived there all my life and haven't had hypthermia

Ronin- that's only because you're a cartoon, if you were real...

Dsauve yelled from in her bed loud enough for everyone to hear her and permanently damage her vocals, for a day- THE CARTOON THING IS A LIE! YOU CAN'T SAY THAT IN A FANFICTION! EVERYONE IS REAL! OK! REAL! I DID NOT RAPE A CARTOON!

As promised, again, Zuko, died a little in the inside, well actually a lot that time.

Milk-Maid- I'm going to ignore this whoooole twisted conversation and just read off reason number 17, which is a follow up on reason 16, it's completely illogical for Katara to live in the South pole, but she does. Likewise, it's completely illogical for Katara and Zuko to hook up, so why don't you do it!

Dorkalicious- that was my reason!

Ronin(claps)- YAY YOU!

Milk-Maid- that was logical

Dorkalicious- of course it was

everyone but Crazy Kricket's nodded in agreement, she just didn't by it and muttered something about how that was anti-logic, but nobody cares what she says.

Milk-Maid- ok next is...to yoga to yogurt-

Ronin-Dammit Milk-Maid what are you doing! Why is that written there? Quick before-

Ominous voice- to rice and beans and cheese! To leather to dildo's

Dorkalicious- Renthead begone! (Sings) Loathing unadulterated loathing for your-

Renthead- fine! I'm going! NO DAY BUT TODAY!

And like that she was gone, thank God

Everyone stared at Milk-Maid

Milk-Maid- What? It was on the paper? It was! Oh crud...

Milk-Maid was then jumped and Ronin took over the reading

Ronin- Ok, reason number 18, only two left!

Katara- Whoopie

Ronin- YAY! I'm so glad your excited Katara! That's the spirit

Katara- That was sarcasm, what are you channeling Dsauve?

Ronin- What are you channeling Sokka?

They stuck their tongues out at each other. Which was a bad idea because Dorkalicious decided to try to push them together, sick bastard. He failed though, because the author, though a die-hard yaoi fan, doesn't care for yuri.

Ronin (recovering from her near-death experience ) continued to read the reasons- 18 is that in an ad for Nick Magazine, Katara was the closest to Zuko, with the exception of Aang

Zuko- We can't help how they pose us

Dorkalicious- Can't you? Sokka, who EVERYONE knows hates you somehow managed to be furthest away from you

Katara- He's just the biggest baby

Ronin- Can't argue that, but it's still a reason

Zuko- fine fine whatever, number 19 is...?

Ronin- Every other freak'n pairing is boring! Katara with Aang, we all know that's going to happen, but Katara and Zuko, hot stuff!

Crazy Krickets- You don't even know who they are!

Ronin- Hey! I wrote a Zutara fanfict too! I know enough!

Dorkalicious-Look it's a valid point, even if Ronin thought Katara and Sokka were dating

Ronin- Moving on...LAAAAAST REEEASON! Is... you guys fight all the time! Doesn't that constitute for an unspoken attraction, I love you but I don't want others to find out so I'm going to fight you? You see that happening a lot!

Katara- So if we hugged that would mean we're hiding our hate?

Dorkalicious- No, you can't hide your hate, unless you're a politician, for democracy of course not monarchy. Anyways, hugs are for love!

Katara- Dammit

Crazy Krickets then hugged Zuko-Feel the love!

A/N-to tired for these A/Ns stupid work, Review if u like, comment if I need some serious work, hell flame if u want i'm beyond caring right now(not about the story just about life as i have a sucky job that makes me work till midnight)


	3. Chapter 3 part 1

Chapter 3 part 1

**A/N**- ok this is only part one because i felt bad for not updating, so this is essentually an incomplete chapter. It goes all the way down till I start with the reasons. Thanks to those who review, i REALLY appreciate it cuz i like have no self confidence and a special thanks to Deamon Fire because you actually know what they believe in, Yay you! Krickets says hi and that you rock. Ronin, if you don't update your story soon... you're gonna die

**Disclaimer**- I am magical! And i use this magic to do magically fun things to fictional charactors...who i do NOT own, that means the Avatar people, as Corbin Bleu is not fictional i can still own him! oh what a dream

Dsauve has passed...but luckily she has returned as Avatar Keikei! And she gets to kiss Corbin Bleu! YAY!!!!! ok that didn't happen, on with the story!

Crazy Krickets and Ronin yelled at Dsauve for not continuing her story, but she couldn't help it she had writers block! So to get over this she sought out help,

"Zuzu, you're the king of comedy, how bout you host today!" Everyone laughed as if this was some kind of joke!

"What? I can do comedy." Said a very defensive ex-prince.

"Yeah I bet, your _hilarious_." Katara, said sarcastically.

"He really is!" Dsauve(sigh) was oblivious, "So Zuko, darling, my Zuzu-hunny bear, my hot n spicy sexy yum yum cup, wanna direct this ff?" Dsauve pleaded. Krazy Krickets mouthed "What the hell?"

"Well...I was a hit at stand-up night on the ship"

"You had a stand-up night?" Milk-Maid was shocked/scared.

"Why not, they had a music night." Dorkalicious said. Everyone shook with horror at the thought of Zuko on music night. In order to not think of it they decided to stalk the other characters for a while.

Crazy Krickets wondered to herself, "how the hell did I wonder into this fict?"

"Because I knew you" sang Dsauve getting herself into a Wicked mood, haha stupid pun. Crazy Krickets wrung her neck. OUCH!

Dorkalicious yelled- CAT FIGHT!

"I WANNA COOKIE I WANNA COOKIE I WANNA COOKIE!" Brattadunk yelled randomly, that's the last you'll see of my five year old sister, just thought maybe she needed air time too.

Aang had magically found a computer in Avatar world! Avartar World, what an awesome theme park that would make. Anyways, Aang decided to magically surf the net with his magical computer that didn't need an outlet. When Sokka came up, skeptic as ever of magical beings excluding his magical water-fairy sister and told him(because dorkalicious says he doesn't ask) "what are you doing." Yes, he made that into a statement. He is that good. Aang looked at him weirdly, as I'm sure you all would, and magically said, "I'm seeing what our fans are up to."

"Aah the fan base, what are those teenage girls doing these days." Sokka skeptically told magical Aang.

"They seem to be writing lots of fan fiction about us."

"Of course they are, so I'm MR.Popular huh? Sorry Aang you'll get your day." Aang looked at Sokka,

"I just read one about you and Katara, and I've found lot's of SoZu as well."

"Ew..." He replied, still skepticly, " and SoZu is..." Notice the lack of question mark because Dorkalicious claims he can't ask questions and is now threatening to kill me.

" Mostly you dry humping Zuko." and with that Sokka magically died.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Just kidding, he just fainted and headed straight toward the brothels to try to redeem his fictional self of the things he's fictionally done. Aang ate an apple.

Crazy Krickets took this whole Sokka tramatization as proof of his gayness, because that's the type of person she is. Meanwhile Dsauve pumped up the crowd, that means you!

Dsauve-Ok Ladies and hopefully not gents! Well I don't mind any gents, but generally gents aren't into ff, but if there are some out there more power to ya! Hosting todays WONDERFUL reading today will be the glorious, the couragous, the total yum of a man, fire-prince Zuko! Give it up!

Crickets

Dsauve- and he's shirtless!

CHEERS! Everythings better with a shirtless Zuko (which is why I'm making a Zuko strip video for youtube after I'm done this)

Dorkalicious- Don't make him sound like a seasoning, every fan ficts better with Zuko without a shirt, call now and you can get your own Zuko in a bottle! Shirt free!"

Dsauve- OMG what's the number!

Dorkalicious- Oh... my...god... Becky

While Dsauve tried desperatly to find the number to the fake commercial, Zuko started with the list

Zuko- ok...so...

Ronin-TAKE IT OFF!!!

Zuko- ok (**A/N**-yeah!)I can't do this(**A/N**-shit)

The next thing anyone knew, Zuko lit on fire-like toph did!-and tried to burn down my dear sweet house about ten minutes from the ghetto. Fortunitly, we don't have sprinklers. Yes this is fortunite because we do have Katara and the power of the pikachu! Using their combinded efforts, Zuko was sedated. Way to go drugs! I mean...waterbending...and lightning to make the waterbender work, that's right.

Dorkalicious-Can I read the list this time?

Dsauve- No, you see, we are missing something here, the token black guy

Dorkalicious- But we are black!

Dsauve- but we aren't TOKEN, plus we're only half. Thus I have brought with me a friend

Just then a very eager TBG entered the kitchen

Dsauve- Everyone, this is our TBG who will be reading the list until we find a Token Gay Guy, say hi

everyone-hi

A/N- ok this isn't the whole chapter, obviously, i just felt bad for not updating in a while, so i decided to give you half. The other half will be up when i'm finished it- prolly next week? I'm in college now and without my muse-aka my little bro. Ok see you when i update!


	4. Chapter 3 part 2

**Chapter 3-part 2**

**A/N**-Hi everyone! I think it's only been a week, I was good! Ok so this is part 2 of Chapter 3. I gotta say thank you to reviewers and those of you who don't (because i have waaay more hits then reviews and it can't all be from me accedentally hitting the look at story link instead of look at stats link) you should try it sometimes! it quite the adrinaline rush. Oh and Ronin/Tile, awesome idea! TBG and TGG should sooo hook up, I'll consider it for the next chapter if you update yours

**Disclaimer**- "I own Avatar, Azula isn't a scary bitch and Iroh's a coffee drinker" see kiddies that's called sarcasm

TBG- Aiight, let's get this started, reason number 30, this one's long so keep up

Katara-That means its meaningless and completely made up

Everyone, including Dsauve, nodded in agreement

TBG-Ok, Zuko, you're voice actor is Dante, who plays Jake in _American Dragon_

Zuko- Crud, she found out about it

Katara-I know where this is going

Dsauve smirked an evil smirk

TBG- and Katara, you're voice actor is Mae, who plays as Rose

Katara and Zuko instantly started to hate their voice actors.

TBG-and EVERYONE knows that Jake and Rose are together, so...duh dum dee duh

Zuko- that's bull shit!

Milk-Maid- That'll be a dollar for swearing Zuko, and I do not accept fire nation or earth kingdom money

Zuko-dammit

Milk-Maid-that's another dollar

Zuko-dammit

this went on until Zuko owed Milk-Maid a good $45

TBG- ok next reason

Dsauve-and totally NOT made up!

TBG- 31-You both have good hair

Katara-How the hell is that not made up!

Milk Maid- Kataaaarraaaa

Katara- Do you accept Water tribe money?

Milk Maid- No, for you I can only accept Fire Nation money, Zuko you can pay me with Water tribe money

Katara-What the hell?

Zuko- Need help peasant?

Katara- Hey, I'm only two dollars in debt, you're $45!

Crazy Krickets- Anyways, what does having good hair have to do with it?

Dsauve- Don't ask me, I was high when I wrote this, you're lucky I didn't say it's because they're both from Neptune

Dorkalicious- ooh another reason, count that 32! They're both Asian ! Maybe... Katara what ARE you?

Katara- I'm Blasain! Just kidding, Eskimo? No idea, ask one of the readers/watchers I'm sure they know. (A/N - I read in a ff that she worships Sedna, who's a Inuit water goddes right? SRY I didn't care enough to look it up)

Crazy Krickets- You live at the South pole, technically you're a penguin.

Dorkalicious- What the heck? How is she a penguin? She a human and then she and Aang rode the penguins in the first episode and... (looking at how Krickets and Dsauve were staring at him) I am shuting up now.

Crazy Krickets- how are you not gay? Now where is Zuko...(wanders off to hunt her non-hunny bear)

Dsauve: NEXT REASON!!! (TBG dies suddenly by Yak stampede)

Ronin-What the fuck!

Milk-Maid- thats a dollar Ronin (Kricktes returns, untriumphant)

Dsauve-What? He had to die, he's the token black guy! Now I can kill off everyone else!

Kricket- Suddenly I want my swords for protection

Dsauve- Oh you don't have to worry, you're white, me and the rest of the minorities need protection

Krickets-I'll protect you! Milk Maid on the other hand...

Dsauve-Don't say that! You know she's got those basalisk eyes!(anyone who knows my sister will agree, she killed Moaning Myrtle)

Dsauve-Once again, Next reason! 33! Ok Katara, another reason that you OBVIOUSLY are in love with Zuko, you're eyes light up when you see him!

Katara- They...light up?

Dsauve-Yes

Katara- If anything its more of a flair up with hate then shines with love wouldn't you say?

Dsauve-but it's a shine!

Dorkalicious- She just has shinny eyes

Crazy Krickets- Yeah she shines at Aang, and Sokka and Toph and Jet

Dsauve-Oh my God! Don't mention Jet! The point is, there was a shine involved

Crazy Krickets-You're an idiot

Dsauve-but I'm your idiot

Crazy Krickets-Can I trade idiots? Can I have Sokka?

Everyone-NO!

Dsuave-We already went through this!

Krickets-Shit, I will wear you down!

Milk-Maid-Krickets?

Krickets-Bugger off you brat! (A/N - who the hell says bugger!)

Ronin (evil snicker)-I have the list now, I hold the power!

Katara-You're holding a totally made up list by a lunatic, how much power do you think you hold?

Ronin-The power to speed this up and get you the hell out of here if you don't shut up

Katara-I love you (big shinny eyes)

Dorkalicious-See? Shinny eyes

Dsauve-Where the hell did Zuko go?

Krickets-Send me on a Zuko hunt! Send me on a Zuko hunt!

Milk-Maid-Calm down, he's over in that corner crying

Krickets and Dsauve both rush over to comfort Zuko

Krickets- I, of course, will forever pounce Zuko, not Jake Long because he's way too hyper and he has weird knees

Dsuave- Way to go Zuko

Zuko-Augggh

Ronin-You want pot?

Dorkalicous-That's random! Why are you offering him drugs!

Ronin held up a pot of coffee

Crazy Krickets-I'll take it! Coffee!

Everyone-NO!

Crazy Krickets-Aw man

Ronin-Next reason is reason number 34

Dorkalicious-good Ronin, you can count, 34 _does_ come after 33

Milk-Maid then duct tapes Dorkalicious and rips it off, why I don't know, she's just evil, like Megan from _Drake and Josh_

Ronin- ok the reason is that you offered to help Iroh in episode 208

Zuko (from his emo corner)-hey I told her to get the hell away

Dsauve- you were just EMOting (Jazz hands!)

Crazy Krickets then slapped Dsuave, like really hard, OW

everyone muttered about what a stupid pun that was as Ronin moved on

Ronin- Reason 35...Ba Sing Se?

Dsauve (though she is now crippled with pain)-Yes! Because...In that episode, Zuko got asked out, by an actual girl! Who was not a Mary Sue, but she was random. Anyways, this means I have a shot

Krickets-You! YOU have a shot!? I'm the one with the weaponry!

Dsauve-Fine fine, we BOTH have a shot

Krickets- Ok I'll take days ending in Y

Dsuave- ok! That seems fair

Milk-Maid-You idiot

Dsauve- No I'm not, im going Japanese(it IS Avatar), in which case I'll take days ending in I (A/N-Youbi means day in Japanese FYI)

Krickets- I'm not stupid.

Dsauve-Fine!

Dorkalicious- How is this a Zutara reason?

Dsuave-Who said it was? Ok ok, I'll somehow make it Zutara...gimme a sec...ok! Well Zuko obvious needs some game, and though he was very awkward, he was also pretty romantic

Katara- Is that supposed to impress me?

Dsauve- Yes! Wasn't it cute that he tried? Anyways, now he is still needing game, someone who is an actual character and not deranged/weird/bored/related/blind, he needs a blue eyed girl

Crazy Krickets, while sneaking away, mouthed to herself, WTF

Ronin- ok, reason number 36. Only four left to go!

Zuko-Woohoo!

Everyone stopped to stare

Zuko-Fine, I'll go back to being emo

Everyone sighed in relief

Ronin-oook, reason 36 is that Zuko needs a calming presence with him, and Katara's miss calming rational loving presence.

Katara-Really?

Dsauve-yes, the one complement I'm giving you. Zuko freaks out, you calm everyone down, I mean you talked Aang out of the Avatar state.

Zuko- I don't freak out

Everyone just laughed

Ronin- reason 37 is that Katara is too uptight

Katara-Hey! I braided hair with hippies

Dsauve-This is true, ok Zuko is too uptight

Zuko-Hey! I...serve tea?

Ronin- and?

Dsauve-look, point plank, Zuko has that fiery personality that'll go well against Katara's cool personality, no puns intended

Milk-Maid-isn't that reason 36, just re-worded?

Pause

Dsauve-Reason number 38 is-

Ronin-Hey that's MY job

Milk-Maid- And you didn't answer my question!

Dsauve-Go ahead Ronin, NOW!

Ronin-Katara's love interest count went down in the second season!

Everyone looked at Dsauve for explanation on why this is relavant

Dsauve-This is Dorkaliciousesesheseses's reason

Dorkaliciousesesheseses- Well...Zuko underwent a lot on the second season, he left the fire nation, stopped stalking them Aang, fought on the same side as them (against Azula like in The Chase ep), he helped out earth kids, worked in a tea shop, had a fever, cut his hair and then let it grow back! OBVIOUSLY, Katara noticed all this and stopped being a flirt because she likes him

Dsauve-EXACTLY!

There was a pause as everyone tried to figure out if that made any since and if it was even worth the trouble to point out why it didn't. Finally, Katara ventured to open her mouth to object but Milk-Maid shook her head, "Just let it go"

Ronin-Ok...Shall I continue?...Let's see...39 is...Zuko spent a whole entire season stalking her!

This reason perked everyone right up again

Katara-ok that's just creepy

Zuko- Hey! I wasn't stalking her! I was stalking the Avatar!

Silence

Dsauve-Ew!

Zuko- Can I change that? Or explain it? Or something?

Dorkalicious- Not if you're going to go on and on again about your "honor"

Zuko-...

Dsauve- So you were stalking Katara, yes?

Zuko(pouts)-yes

Dsauve-Good, I'm counting that as a love confession

Katara and Zuko both stood up as if they were gonna disagree with Dsauve, and they did! There was lots of yelling because of this reason, stuff about not being a perv, and having to be psycho to like certain people. There were people yelling about their air time and personality traits, Ronin yelling incoherent things, for "effect" and I believe I may have heard another Cabbages exclamation. This was all silenced when Crazy Krickets walked in with a little bundle of joy. By little bundle of joy, I mean a giant hefty bag, like bigger then any hefty bag I've ever seen. She just stood there, with the bag at her feet grinning that evil grin. Everyone in the kitchen was frozen solid with fear. Finally, the dumbest(Ronin, of course) ventured,

"Krickets...What's in the bag?"

Krickets nearly exploded with evil joy (it's ok to wet yourself in moments like this) "Wouldn't you like to know" then she turned towards the imaginary camera, "Coming up next week! Find out what's in the bag as 'Why Zutara Should Happen' continues in the 'Anti-Chapter!'"

A/N-ok the bag thing is kind of obvious if you actually pay attention to the names and their characters, why am I making an anti-chapter? Because Kricket's stole my freak'n computer! Which is also why she has more of a role all the sudden and why she tried to make my poor sweet little teenage brother gay. I'm sry Dorkalicious! Anyways, this is the complete chapter, now to slack off, Please continue/start to review! Love you all!


	5. Chapter 4 Anti chapter

**Chapter 4-THE ANTI CHAPTER OF DOOOOOOOOOOM  
**

**A/N**- SEE? I _DO_ know how to update! To those who care, I apologize for taking too long to update, I was gonna collaborate with Dork and Krickets for this but it wasn't happening. I got reviews by two new people! Isn't that awesome? I think it is. Oh, thanks for the ideas Ronin

**Disclaimer**- In case you haven't caught on, I enjoy killing people off. It's wicked fun! (a reviewer used the phrase "wicked funny" and I thought that was cool so im stealing it, dork a lot? Maybe). Anyways, I have yet to kill off any actually non- Mary-Sue characters (everyone knows Mary-Sues must die, but _MY_ fanfict is an exception b/c _I_ say so) and this is because I do not have the rights to kill off actual characters, as I do NOT own Avatar (loooong disclaimer and lots of A/N's! To make up for the short A/N at the top)

POP! "Happy Birthday!" a very leggy Sokka yelled while popping out of the bag and wearing bunny ears, red leotard and fishnets. Is this a WTF moment? I think it is! REWIND(I can't kill them off but I can but them in fishnets!)

Krickets came in with her huge bag of "joy" and out popped Sokka dressed as describe. No, that was not a joke, he couldn't sing "sweet transvestite" dressed in his Water Tribe clothes. That would be so gay, in a bad way, not in a good "I'm a sweet transvestite from _Transsexual_ Transylvania" way. After Sokka got done his number -and everyone calmed down the laughing/swooning-we got right back down to business, cue glossy Zuko. Ok I've crossed a line, REWIND

Back down to business. Krickets was being defiant of the all mighty Dsauve and SOMEBODY had to put her in her place.

"Krickets!" Yelled Dsuave while checking out Sokka's legs-8 inch heals do _wonders _I tell ya."I told you no Sokka! What did you bring him here for? You should have brought Iroh! He's nice and cuddly!"

Sokka was offended by this I think, because he yelled, "Hey! I'd like to see Iroh pull this off!"

A TZG electricuted himself. YES, Token Black Guy came back as Token Zombie Guy, and microwaved his Femur, he then proceeded to go outside to play catch with the neighborhood Sasquatch. The stench that he left behind somehow brought Sokka back to his senses. "Hold on why am I wearing this?" Sokka then ran to the bathroom to change into his normal clothes, as it wasn't a good idea to change in front of pervs such as Dsauve and Crazy Krickets, who both muttered "dammit" as he left, but not to worry, they had hidden camera's in the bathroom.

Krickets had to ask, "Is Zuko in the bathroom with him?"

Zuko answered her very slowly, "fuck no"

Krickets Ronin and Dsuave all sighed. Krickets used this moment to change the subject and explain herself, "Well-"

"That's no excuse!" Dsuave cut her off

"I didn't even say anything yet!"

"Oh I know what you were thinking! You betrayed our sisterhood! We used to be Zuko fangirls together and now what?! A little betrayal (in the season two finale, duh) and you run off to Sokka! Have you no loyalty? Have you no shame?" Yes, Dsauve had the nerve to preach about shame.

Krickets replied,"At least we'd have someone in the water tribe?! Motion of the ocean! Besides this way we can have our homo love fix, Zuko's body with Sokka's personality! Think of the possibilities!"

Dsauve almost gave in, but something was still eating at her, "You still switch loyalties over one freak'n episode, I at least have retained my false hope that he'd redeem himself! He can come back!" Krickets then lost it and yelled at Zuko,

"You were the chosen one!"

"I HATE YOU!" Zuko yelled fulfilling his role as Aniken, and then a battle commenced, with light sabers and gay droids and space shippy thingys. I'm terrible at fight scenes and sci fi so we're skipping that part and there will be no more cutting off limbs and giving Zuko additional burns. Out of character, Zuko gave up on fighting Krickets and turned to Dsauve's face while saying,

"You will stop stalking me. You will switch to Sokka admiration."

"As if that would work!" responded Dsauve, A violin started playing and rain suddenly poured down. " Zuko you don't seem to understand how deep a fangirl's love runs, how crazy we are and the limits we push. Never underestimate the passion of a fangirl! Do you know the amounts of giggling and screaming we go through? WHILE STALKING! Do you understand how much crappy fanfict we read, just to get our fill? It's a tough path we must take, and you don't seem to understand just how sick we are! Looking up "pron" on prepubescent cartoon characters! WHO DOES THAT?! ITS SICK! Creepy fangirls are on the same level as Azula." THAT put Zuko in his place, and just like that, our angst ridden teenager was broken.

"That's just about the scariest thing I've ever heard" Dorkalicious whispered stary-eyed. "Cool."

Sokka then reappeared, fully clothed. Katara then asked him why he was here, he replied,

"Well...eveyone knows I'm against the 'Zutara' craze. And so, after Crazy Krickets tortured me, I decided of my own free will to come and rescue my baby sister, and because I heard Zuko was going shirtless"

Krickets nudged Dsauve, "See? I knew it!" Big happy smiles all around!

Katara shook her head, "Boy, you got played" And it's true, he did get played. How you might wonder? Go ahead wonder, it's what Sokka did, and Dorkalicious filled him in, as is his job as minion/info guy,

"Sokka, look over there." He gestured to his super fabulous big sister and her two not so fabulous friends, "those are no ordinary fan girls, those are crazy yaoi fangirls. The only reason you're here is to fulfil their corrupt fantasies of Zuko X Sokka action." Sokka then magically morphed into "The Scream" painting and fainted. Which isn't really a good idea given the circumstances. After all, there are a number of things crazy yaoi fangirls can do with a fainted openmouthed pony-tailed boy.(yes I know, warriors wolf tail, what ev!)

"Seriously, I don't see why you had to bring Sokka into this." Dsauve tapped her foot in annoyance, "Zuko was behaving!"

"Oh give it up!"

"NEVER! You have no idea how great Zuko fanfict is! No matter what they do, he's always gonna be OOC! Which if funny!

Zuko looked up from his corner, yes he is back in his corner, "Yo, dat jack'd up man, ya geek'n if ya think I be outa characta like some punk-ass dog. Fo-sho, somebody don told u wrong. Dis how I be! Hold'n it down biotch.Ya heard?"

Dsauve looked up at Zuko with tears in her eyes, "You don't know how badly I've wanted to hear you say that." she pushed Katara towards him, "Now take dis bitch and handle yours. " Zuko then got up, and you could tell Katara was going for that bad-boy gangster love shit, but as soon as his hand touched her he was back to his normal self. And so, it was Dsauve's turn to die a little inside, and the author got slapped for writing that, like more than the amount of times she got slapped for the hot n spicy yum yum thing.

Dsuave joined Zuko in his corner and they played Ms. Mary Mack while Krickets proceeded to take over Dsauve's kitchen and Dsauve's fanfict.

Krickets- Zutara DOESN'T work and here is why-

Milk-Maid-You're doing it WRONG

Krickets- I said one freakn line you little twit! How did I mess it up!?

Milk-Maid- In this part of the fanfict we usually see what's happening to the other cast members back in Avatar land, you can't go straight into the reasons!

Dorkalicious- WOW for once you're right Milk-Maid

Milk-Maid- Auh! I'm always right dummy

Dorkalicious- I know you are but what am I

Milk-Maid- You're a liar head!

Dorkalicious-I know you are but what am I

(Cool whirly tv fade into Avatar Land, which is NOT an amusement park yet, they disapproved of my idea to have real fire on the roller coasters in Fire Nation Fun Time Island)

Toph-So it's just me and the fat man now

Iroh-HEY! I was your _friend_

Toph- THIS IS WAR! We don't have time for being friends, now that Katara's gone I finally have a shot!

Iroh-Hey! I have a shot too you know! I have as much chance at being homecoming queen as you do!

Toph- Like _whatever _size forty! I've been bulimic for two months now! All that puking is NOT going to waste! With the final word, "waste" Toph tripped Iroh with her bending, Iroh then got up and took his fighting stance)

Iroh- Bring it on fatty! I am SO prettier than you!

Toph and Iroh then duked it out over title of homecoming queen until they realized that they were NOT being very lady-like, and so they traded insults until they ran out. Now they were left with only one more way to end this and remain in their lady-like style, they had a cat fight to which Toph won because she has less hair to pull than Iroh. But now Toph was bald and so Iroh won Homecoming Queen.

Milk-Maid- Ok, NOW you can start your list Krickets

Dorkalicious- Did anyone else notice that Aang wasn't featured in that

Dsauve- That's because he was out fulfilling his homecoming KING duties, duh

Ronin- Oh he won?

Dsauve- By default, we all know who the REAL king is

Dsauve then proceeded to pinch Zuko's cheeks

Dorkalicious-ELVIS!

Zuko-Please stop that, weren't you being emo with me a little while ago? That was fun! Go back to being angsty!

Dsauve- Never! Angsty doesn't suite me, just short moments of being over-dramatically hurt

Krickets- Can I do my anti-list now?

Dsauve- Fuck no ho!

Krickets- But this is the anti chapter!

Sokka- And Zutara is just not right! _Saying _Zutara is just not right!

Sokka was then decapitated for ruining my fun. Don't worry this didn't kill him, as soon as he returned home he was all better, wait till season three FINALLY starts, you'll see!

Katara- Was killing my brother really necissary? And you know, Sokka _was_ right, it just doesn't make sense

Dsauve- Oh you shut up! This is why I like Toph better than you Katara! This is MY story and I am not mentally stable enough to hear you point out the obvious to me in an organized list fashion, we all know that... _Kataang..._ew...is more likely and halfway there even! You don't have to crush my dreams anymore! CUE next CHAPTER!

Krickets-That won't work my dear

Dsauve(face of horror and terror)- what do you mean? Why won't it work

Krickets-Because...I have minion power now! (evil laugh)

Dsauve- What? No, Dorkalicious?

Dsauve looked around to find her poor minion/brother in shackles

Dsauve- NOOO you monster! (More evil laughter came from the Kataang supporter, bitch)

Krickets-Now! On with the list!

Dsauve threw her hands over her ears- I'm not listening I'm not listening!

Krickets-REASON ONE! KATARA KISSED AANG!

Dsauve- LIAR! I already changed that one!

Krickets- You can't change the facts hun, and she did it twice, SECRET TUNNEL!

Dsauve- My mortal enemy, I love it for the hippies and awesome songs, but the kiss (cringe)

Zuko- You kissed baldy twice?

Katara- Shuddup! And don't call him baldy u were nearly bald for a whole season

Zuko- Yeah but I didn't tattoo my head and display my baldness

Krickets-REASON TWO! AANG RETURNED KATARA'S NECKLACE AND SHE WAS THANKFUL, AND ANOTHER KISS

Dorkalicious- You already counted that kiss

Dsauve- He only returned it after Zuko lovingly stole it!

Milk-Maid- How do you lovingly steal something?

Katara-That wasn't lovingly! He had me tied to a tree!

Dsauve- He thought you'd like that! You're the one with the water whip!

Krickets-WOW

Zuko- Would you PLEASE stop making up stuff?

Dsauve-Aw you used please! And no

Zuko smacked his forehead as Krickets continued her list of doom

Krickets- The whole Katara marries a powerful bender thing, and then Aang makes his own destinys

Dsauve- Stop trying to negate all my reasons!!

Ronin-Yeah she did say that first, the whole bender not avatar thing

Krickets- Uh huh, and at the end when Katara had that REALIZATION that it was AANG

Ronin-That's bullshit and you know it!

Krickets-When did you start talking all the sudden?

Ronin- Hey, I may not be a hard core lunatic fan like Dsauve, but I am fully against this pairing, its icky

Katara-Wow are we really that bad a match?

Ronin-YES!

Dsauve-Did you have to ask?

Krickets- NO! NO they are NOT

Dorkalicious- YES they are! You're outvoted

Krickets-As if you guys have ANY say in it

Ronin-Well neither do you, so there

Krickets sighed-Reason four, Katara both invoked and disinvoked the Avatar state

Dsauve- Oh sure, use the avatar card, I see how it is

Krickets- Says the girl who uses the race card _every_ time someone of ANY race is mean to her

Dsauve- That's the fun part of being mixed!

Krickets- Five SHE wanted to be ALONE with Aang in the first episode

Dsauve-BAD FORM!

Dorkalicious- She didn't even know Zuko yet!

Ronin- I HAVE BLUE NAILS!

All heads on Ronin now,

Ronin-What? I forgot I painted them?

Milk-Maid-That's MY nail polish!

The two shorties fought it out until Ronin cried.

Krickets- Reason S-I-X! She used the water meant for ZUKO on AANG

Dsauve nearly had a heart attack , she's prone to them you know, and so Dorkalicious had to yell for her-NOT FAIR!! We were NOT gonna get into the Finale!

Krickets-Tough I went there!

Dsauve- THAT'S IT! Agni Kai time

Zuko- You can't challenge her to Agni Kai!

Dsauve- Why not? I thought it was a requirement for fanfict, that and Katara getting captured and you being...well we'll just say weird, and sentimental

Zuko- Ooook, In any case YOU, who's not even of our world and would be lucky to bend STRAW can't issue challenges of Agni Kai

Dsauve- FINE! _Someone_'s a kill joy

Katara- You're just NOW figuring that out?

Dsauve- Well, it's usually in a fun way! Like look at him being moody! That's so cute!

Dsauve got lot's of quizzical looks. She nodded her head to reassure herself that it was a valid statement and looked back at Krickets- FINE! If I can't issue Agni Kai, as is the custom of violent fanficts, then commence the ongoing war!

Milk-Maid- You can't commence an ONGOING war

"That's not the point" Dsauve said as she let Dorkalcious out of his shackles, "Dorkalicious, Tie up our hostages and lock them up secularly on board, BATTLE STAGES!" And so the Shipping Wars began (in this fict ne ways, lord knows they've been going on long enough)

**A/N** - And that is the end of my anti-chapter! Yeah I just couldn't bring myself to write a whole entire chapter of..._Kataang_, which is what Krickets believes in, stupid whore. Anyways, it wasn't the best thing I've ever written but look forward to more reasons in the near future! Yes more crappy fanfict! (Giggles/screams). Sry, being a dork again, speaking of which, Dorkalicious gave me a few good reasons, that are so totally not made up! What kind of loser quotes herself and expects others to get it? One that's desperate for reviews! So review! I'll stop rambling! Please? Review for me?


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5! though it says six **

**A/N**-I'm soooo sorry I took so damn long to update, writer block, but it's spring break so new chapter is up! And hopefully the next chapter won't be that far behind.

**Disclaimer**- You ever wonder, what is the point to these disclaimers? I mean do Mike and Bryan go looking through random fanfics hoping to sue people who claim to own their show, even though EVERYONE knows who owns avatar, and it ain't no teenaged fangirl. Well you know what? I DO own Avatar! Take THAT lawyers of actual Avatar creators! Yes, im feeling daring today

It was a bloody war and everyone died. THE END, but wait! I still have like a bunch more reasons to write! So...maybe everyone didn't die? Or maybe they were reincarnated, I don't know. In any case there was a huge shipping war. Names were called, limps exploded, muffins were thrown, but most importantly, Zuko and Katara were locked up together in hopes of them "seeing the light." Most importantly(again), was that this time, unlike in the show, Aang can't ruin my plans (evil laugh). But all that doesn't matter, what really does matter is that my neighbors goldfish died, Ronin self combusted and that Zutarians outnumbered Kataangers, because this all happened on my block and my family is the only family on this block with avatards. Location location.

Seeing as how everyone died, the battle was a draw and so we shall now enter the AvatarWorld portion of this chapter while everyone else takes time to be reborn/rejuvenated/rebuilt/zombified

You may not realize this, but in between seasons the charators get to relax and not worry about the war or anything really. So what do they do during their down time? They party! And EVERYONE likes to party! And what do u do at parties? Get drunk! But I'm not writing about drunkeness. Better question is why does any teenaged girl go to a party? To meet boys! Duh! And so...

* * *

"Like omg! I like so can't wait till tonight! I gotta finish getting ready!" 

"Wow you're auras so not black like it usually is, it's almost pink!This is a new side of you!" Ty Lee jumped up and down applauding

"I know! I don't get to be non-bitchy everyday! I am livin' it up fo'shizzle" Azula said while applying makeup.

"YAY!" TyLee spun around. This was a new experience for everyone. Continuing with that thought...

At the party however, Ty Lee noticed Sokka and Suki together, and thus all bubbliness was lost. All hope for a good life were gone until she realized that all Sokka's girlfriends die, and then she became happy not realizing that if she actually did date him that would mean her death. Azula got up and led everyone in the hustle. Yes, she was dynomite and out of site, a cool mama jama, a foxy mama. Groovy to the max. Azula smiled non evily and had fun. And Mai got all giggly while talking to a random guy we shall name Shichi. They had three kids Hachi, Ichi, and Shi and lived out their giggly and made up existence until the third season started. There now you know what's become of Ozai's Angels, and why the third season needs to hurry up before Azula decides to become a hippie, and as much fun as hippies are, can you really see Azula as one?

* * *

Now that everyone was reassembled and living Dsauve, once again, took the stage. 

Dsauve-All right, we, the avatards of the East, have come to finish this list.

Ronin-Are you serious!

Dsauve-No, I can probably pull 20 more reasons out of my ass, but in any case, we need to get through our next ten reasons unless...

All heads turned towards Katara and Zuko, who were conveniently placed next to each other

Katara-What?

Dsauve smiled- did we bond during the battle?

Katara-Did WE bond?

Dsauve- You know, you and Zuko! Only each other in the distressing time of war, held captive by a crazy lady, you can only rely on each other-

Zuko-That did NOT happen

Ronin-How did it NOT happen?! Rules of fanfict say it'll happen!

Katara-Well tough! We're not in a fanfict!

Milk-Maid rolled her eyes- Sure

Dsauve-Who want's to present the list since our plan didn't work?

Nobody raised their hands, even though one would think it would be an honor to read off the list, you get guaranteed speaking rights

Dsauve-Spin the Bottle!

Crazy Krickets-what?

Dsauve- What? To see who reads!

Crazy Krickets-Oh...(wink) ok

Zuko-You just wanna pounce me!

Crazy Krickets and Dsauve nodded their heads while Zuko smacked himself

Milk-Maid- How about eennie-meenie?

Dsauve-That's no fun! We should fight! Or something, first to kiss Zuko reads!

Zuko-NO! I swear to "Agni" That i will kill you right now! And then burn down the house and tell your mom that you did it!

The tattle taling was a scarey thought, and quite frankly not very honorable, but instead of pointing this out Dsauve gave in.

Dsauve-Fine fine, Dorkalicious, you haven't read yet

Dorkalcious-YAY!

Dsauve-But I'm gonna let Crazy Krickets read it

Dorkalicious-Noooo! That's not fair!

Dsauve-fine fine, here you go Dork

Dorkalicous-That's dorkalicious to YOU. ALRIGHT!! YOSH! List time! Reason number one, I made up this one! WAHOO!

Dsauve-HEY! There's only room enough for ONE hyper maniac and that's me!

Dorkalicous-FINE! (Monotonal) Reason number 40, Jet tried to kill Zuko and Katara let Jet die

Crazy Krickets-That is so messed up!

Dsauve- I know even I agree!

Milk-Maid-You're gonna make someone cry!

Dorkalicious-Fine fine, the rest of these aren't so morbid ok

Dsauve-Last time I let a guy make the list

Dorkalicious-41! Which I also said and is NOT about killing people who you hate anyways so I don't know why you're so emotional over it, is the plant of love, which strives on sun and water, YOUR elements!

Ronin-We hate Jet?

Dsauve-It depends, sometimes I love him like in the Avatar Short

Katara-I thought you were gonna refrain from death! Now you're threatening us with a plant's life!

Zuko-I think you missed the point in that

Dsauve-She did! The point is Fire Nation plus Water Tribe equals Earth Kingdom so without you two there would be no tophage and I love tophage! This reason is why she's usually on your sides in fanfict

Zuko-I think you missed the point in that too

Dsauve-No I didn't because reason #42 is that you BOTH ended up in the Earth kingdom together! You're bodies gravitated toward each other unconsciously, the bonds of love! The red thread! Gravitation!

Krickets-You can NOT bring in my favorite yaoi manga to Avatar, especially not _Zutara _Avatar

Dsauve-YES I CAN! Because Hiro is mine! And so is Ryuchi!

At that Dsauve and Krickets got into yet another fist fight

Katara-Does anyone know what they're talking about?

Everyone shook their heads as Krickets kneed Dsauve in the stomach

Dorkalicous-I think I'm just going to continue...

Ronin-Sounds good

Dorkalicous- Reason 43 is that Aang's voice is higher than Katara's

Zuko-Is it?

Katara shrugged

Ronin-It's all high and squeeky and 5 year old like!

Katara-It's not THAT bad, it's not his fault he's only 12...physically

The Ghost of Sokka- Pepperoni is a gift from God! Its soooo gooooood. It's nice and thin, but can be thick too! And meaty and filling and sooo good and has spices and it's RED meat, not that whimpy white meat stuff. Aaah...soooo goood.

And just as quickly as it appeared, the ghost vanished. Sokka's appearance was so baffling to everyone that Krickets and Dsauve stopped fighting. A few minutes passed.

Dsauve-OMG I so want pepperoni slices right now!

Milk Maid opened the fridge and got some for her.

Dsauve-YAY! Milk-Maid you get to say the next reason!

Dorkalicious-But that's MY job!

Milk-Maid-Nah nah...Now, reason number 44...PURPLE!!!

Everyone-WHAT?!

Milk-Maid- Blue-as in katara-and red-as in Zuko- make purple!

Krickets-And this is relevant how?

Milk-Maid-Because EVERYONE loves purple! And EVERYONE loves you two together

Krickets raised her hand- I don't

Katara also raised her hand- Neither do I

Zuko remained silent, so Katara nudged him to speak up

Zuko-What? I've been paired up with worse

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement

Ronin-So that means you're all for steam shipping yes, Zuko?

Zuko-Now I won't go that far, just that I've been paired up with worse

Dsauve Jumped up and pointed at Zuko-Thats two love confessions already! Plus the comment in the first chapter about getting laid!

Dsauve turned toward everyone else-Alright! Zuko's onboard! Now to get Katara to admit she likes him too!

Zuko-I never said I was onboard!

Dsauve-Yes you did, get over it. Dorkalicious, Next reason before Zuko changes his mind

Zuko-I never agreed!

Milk-Maid-Just give up, remember she's crazy

Dorkalicious- 45 is you make green!

Krickets-SHUT UP! Stop mixing colors and calling it destiny!

Dsauve-But it is! Zuko is often portrayed as gold-because of his eyes-and so gold plus blue equals green and GREEN is the color for earth benders

Katara-Water plus fire does not equal earth!

Dsauve- Yes it does! An underwater volcano erupts and the lava flies in the air and lands on the water, the water cools it and EARTH is created

Ronin- Actually I think the air cools it

Dsauve-In any case, its in the water. So, FIRE as in LAVA plus WATER equals EARTH so to keep the balance after Aang dies and firebenders kill all the earth benders you two need to be together!

Milk-Maid-Wow

Dsauve-Impressive aren't I?

Krickets- Yes your Anti-logic and stupidity is very impressive

Dsauve smiled sweetly at Krickets

Dorkalicious-I think that made LOTS of sence, now 46 has nothing to do with colors

Krickets-Thank God

God-you're welcome

Dorkalicious looked up-Nice (looking back at the list) Ok 46 is that they are yin and yang, they balance and complete each other

Dsauve- They do, care to argue it?

Zuko-No we already know we're opposites

Katara-Yes, it takes to much energy to argue with you when you're minds already set

Dsauve-YES! I win, so you agree to get together?

Katara-No! We're just not going to argue, and then totally ignore you later

Dsauve- FINE!

Dorkalicious-NEXT Reason is Katara likes to help people out, and Zuko needs some help

Milk-Maid- Got that right

Katara-Again can't argue with him having major issues, but I tried, im not trying again

Dsauve-Aww that's so mean! You gave Aang a second chance after he betrayed you in Bato of the Water Tribe

Krickets-More reason for Kataang!

Dsauve-Shuddup you!

Katara- Still, I don't see how this is a reason

Ronin-He needs help, you give help, you become friends then lovers cuz he need's help there too and there you go

Zuko-Just go to the next reason before everyone here gets Bar-B-Q'ed

Dsauve-Aye Aye Caption...oh just wondering, do you wear a cute little apron when you Bar-B-Q, maybe one that says kiss the cook?

Zuko shot a fire ball at Dsauve, luckily she ducked, and only her curtains caught on fire.

Milk-Maid-Mom's gonna kill you!

Katara quickly put out the fire and healed the curtain, yes as of right now she can do that, because I don't wanna get in trouble, My mom is SCAREY

Katara-Soooo next reason?

Dorkalicious- Reason number 48, which I disagree with and was already semi used, Katara let Aang save Zuko

Katara-Yeah, we already went over that...

Dsauve-But this is different! This time it was in the GAME not the SHOW, when Zuko was all passed out cuz machine girl took him out, Sokka objected but Katara said nothing

Katara-This is retarded

Dsauve-It is

Zuko-Then why are you putting us through this?

Dsauve-No I mean the fact that you don't see it yourselves! How dense are you to NOT be able to see that!

Dorkalicious-Before another fight breaks out reason, number 50 is the final color one I swear!

Krickets-OMG

Dorkalicious-OK, so Katara has those "deep blue sapphire eyes" and zuko those, "orbs of gold" -

Zuko-this is so gay

Katara-my eyes are light blue!

Ronin-Blame fanfict writers

Dorkalicious- and blue and gold are our school colors!

Zuko-So are you saying it's fate because you like us together and we match you're school?

Dsauve-NO! ZUKO that's RETARDED! God, what he was saying is that in our alma marta it goes...Blue and Gold forever!

Ronin-So you want them to have good vision forever?

Everyone gave Ronin a WTF is wrong with you look

Dsauve-We want them to be together forever dimwit (Dsauve said this while hitting Ronin)

Ronin-You're so violent!

**A/N**- ok i don't own avatar don't take me away! With my paycheck it'll be millinias before i could make bale! Watch the Avatar short! Look it up on youtube. Avatar School time shipping, it's awesome and I'm gonna use some of my reasons from that in the next chapter, please review! In case you noticed, yes i did use numbers for all the random people in the AW portion. If u wanna know why...Mai is a month b/c they misspronounce her name so i thought i'd use a japanese month, but in japan they say their months by the number, so i used the numbers that sounded cool for names (shichi-7,ichi-1,shi-4, hachi-8) and while doing this i noticed...Avatar Roku! Roku is 6! That amused me, Yosh is japanse for alright btw, and red thread is another japan superstition about lovers being connected by red thread(shows how much of a nerd i am)...ok so anyways review


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